Demented, Manic, and Maybe a Little Cracked
by Miko A. Kimura
Summary: My heart was ripped out of me by someone I loved dearly. Now I had lost everything. But, I'll keep searching. I'll keep searching for the heart that calls my name and will love me. I will find the heart that will live for me. /Yandere!Rin/ Oneshot.


**Well, sorry I haven't been working on 1000 WtD lately, but I had some other ideals in my head.**

**Please review! I beg you to! My friend Erika and I have been working on this for a long time. Please, please, dont let our efforts go to waste.**

**=D Read in 1/2 view to feel the horror...  
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_I can see its perfect shape in your chest, just slightly left of your center. I can see it beat. I can see it beat faster than I can count. bu-bump. Bu-bump. bu-pump._

_I can hear it scream to me. I can hear it scream_ 'Take me! Bu-bump. Bu-bump. I am to be yours!'

_My hand starts to rest against your chest, hearing it call, whisper, and scream my name in its own hidden way. I tilted my head, ignoring your looks of confusion. All that belonged here was me and that heart- the one that beats my name. I could feel the knuckles in my fingers bend slowly, becoming pointed._

_Your confusion turns into screams of horror and pain as my fingers start clawing and digging into your chest, trying to reach the this object of my desire. Before I break even further into the first barrier- the skin that is so fragile- you slap my hands away. You eyes are filled with horror. I don't even blink as I watch you with my expression so emotionless. With your blue hair and your pathetic cries, you run away from me... You try to run from me, but why?_

_Why do you try to run from me, and yet, your heart screams for me to hold it within my grasp?_

_This heart wants me told hold it, so why do you ignore its wishes? Are you so much insane that you wouldn't listen to your heart's commands?_

_You're manic, just like the rest of the people on this Earth._

* * *

"It's over," he spoke, looking away from the shock-stricken girl in front of her and into the side. He didn't want to look into her deep, azure eyes hidden behind those beautiful, golden locks and see the heart that he was about to shatter. His similar azure eyes trailed down to the ground as the sniffles from her came forth.

"But... why Len?" Her confused voice spoke softly, threatening to crack and break.

The air around them was thick, silent, and uncomfortable, along with the uneasy feeling of tears threatening to fall over the eyes of both parties.

The sun had set, but many lights of red, blue, yellow, and green hanged from light post to light post, on the stores and even on the houses. These festive colors reflected off the freshly fallen snow around them, along with the gigantic pine tree that remained in the Town Central, shining with millions of decorations and one core star above it all.

But with such a jolly time in the year, why now?

Still, this boy named Len continued to look away, staying silent. The warm, wet tears started to overflow in the girl's eyes as her voice trembled like such a small mouse. "W-why...?"

"Because I never really liked you, Rin,"

His voice, it was so cold. It was just plain Arctic, like the air around her heart. The beats started to get slow, louder, beating in her throat and in her ears as he looked at the girl, Rin, with dull eyes that seemed to hold no emotion. No care, no feeling, existing for her.

"...L-l-len," she managed to breathe out. But he had turned his back, walking away. Not another word being said.

Her hands started to clutch the heart that he had just shattered. Tears continued to stream down her cheeks. She had lost so many things now, with Len being the only thing she could hold onto. The only thing she could seek comfort in...

**"LEN!"**

And it was all a lie? Everything... a lie?

Something started to snap in her brain. The pieces of the puzzle- maybe she had figured it all out now, putting all the hints together. People just couldn't live like this, could they? Of course not. He had lost the heart to love her. Everyone had lost the heart told love her, long ago.

Maybe, just maybe if she could find the right heart. The heart that screamed her name. This same heart that wanted her to hold it in her arms, and never lose sight of it.

Would she be able to be loved then?

The tears slowly stopped forming around her eyes as her frown grew into nothing more than an expressionless, straight line.

* * *

"I only want to play with you," my voice of my speaks, flat, honest. I'm only telling the truth. Yet, why to you continue to scream?

Warm liquid starts to spray onto me as I start to reach, dig, for the object of my desire. The skin is broken, red. Muscle and tissue starts gushing out of the hole my hand creates as you continue to squirm and get away. It's all so warm, but its not what I'm reaching for.

You gasp, trying to take in air as I grab something moving, warm and soft. So swiftly I grab what I was looking for, yanking it out of the hole in your chest that my hands have created. Its covered in the same red material that covers my arm, my face, my clothes. But this isn't what I was looking for. It's blue, and it's hallow. I let it drop onto the ground.

This isn't a heart.

Before you die, before your final breath is taken with one less lung, I reach farther into the center. I can see your eyes roll to the back of you head, but I don't want you to die. Because, if you die, so does the heart I am reaching for.

My tainted hands wrap once more around something that moves. It beats, slowly, but it continues to beat. Bu...bumb. Bu...bumb...

Ignoring the veins that hold it in you, I rip it out, holding it to my chest, trying to feel its fading warmth. I ignore the blood that has now stained my chest.

I bring the barely alive organ up to my ear, listening to its call. But, it dies in my arms. Why does everything always die when I finally think I find the right heart?

I let my arms hang loosely to my sides, dropping the heart right next to your fallen body.

"Why did you die? That's no fun," I whispered. "I only wanted to play with your heart..."

You don't reply. Those blue eyes that used to reflect mine so long ago, they're dulled and gone. Your blonde hair is matted and covered in the blood.

"I guess your heart wasn't the one I was searching for," I whispered, before moving on into the cold, vacant night. Maybe that girl you held so dear, maybe she holds the heart you once had for me? I guess I just had to search.

* * *

I can feel myself breathe out in a small, expressionless sigh.

I still haven't found it- haven't found one that won't die...

But why? Why... Why does this world reject me? Stuff me away in a dark corner where the unwanted spend the last of their days toiling in misery and drowning in their own misery, loneliness, and sorrow.

"Oh, setting sun, how your red rays make me cry, for that which calls for me, deep within my chest does reside.."

I'm alone in a forest of pines, conifers, and other such evergreens. It's quiet, silent, and not even the hearts that call for me reside here. Soft flakes on white start to fall from the grey sky, leaving more powdered white around me. The trees are white, the snow is white, the sky is white, everything is white!

I long for the vibrant colors that once entangled my life, but now all I see is the plain absence of color- white and black. Black and grey, and more white. I'm starting to think that I'm going blind.

I don't know where I am or who I am anymore. All I know is what I want... I want for the warmth that once surrounded me. the light that once played with me, the wind that blew through my hair like a playful kitten. I wish to laugh, to smile, anything but this... I get up. I've spent to much time here. After so long out in the cold darkness, wanting nothing more than a heart that calls my name, my sense of direction has long since been lost, yet in return my senses of sight, sound, and smell have honed to razor sharp. I am crazy, but the world is worse.

I close my eyes and spin until I am dizzy. When I stop, I open my eyes. I walk forward. I do not look back. I do not vary from my course. I will not stray from my chosen path unless I hear someone, unless I come to a cliff. And then I will take necessary action.

Another night has passed. The night still remains silent and cold and rejecting. The soft flakes of the snow continue to fall around me. My clothes are ragged and bloody, my hair is tangled. If I come across someone, I will surely look like the tragic victim of a horrible accident, a plane crash maybe, or a disastrous hiking trip. It is to my advantage.

The cold silence creeps on for a few hours, until, alas! I hear something. I have just settled down for the night. I put out the fire and move towards the sound.

A lone hiker.

I listen to their heart. I hear the blood playing in their veins, each expansion and contraction of the lungs.

I listen to their footsteps, average, about 5'6" and in good shape. I watch how he walks, he carries himself with confidence with his chest held high and his expression one of pride. He thinks he is strong, and has good aim with his rifle, which is easily accessible on his left shoulder. He is right handed.

As he gets closer I see his face, covered by the messy aqua hair of his. But still I read it. He looks at peace, though slightly cold due to his slight, pathetic shivering.

And finally... I listen to his heart. Each thrum, each strong beat, every electromagnetic pulse that ripples through the muscular walls of the organ, pushing the blood, urging it away, then beckoning it back.

I listen to its sighs and whispers, its secret sayings. Does it call for me? Does it cry out for me to cradle it, to love it, to hold it?

_'Please, hold me. Hold me, I am so cold,'_ it whispers to me ever so slowly, giving me a promise._ 'Please hold me in your grasp. I will love you. I will keep you alive,'_

That was enough for me.

Slowly I crawl forward, silently trying to close the distance between me and that heart I wanted. Because, I don't comprehend why but, I needed this heart. THIS heart will be different.

I hear its beat now. I hear it whisper to me as the man with aqua hair slowly breathes in and out. My breath, it comes out in the pattern of the heart as I get closer.

_'Please, please. Let me be held,'_

I easily follow its wishes, walking up to the man. I let my blonde locks cover my eyes as the silence starts to take over. Ravens above me scatter from the trees as the sun, providing much warmth, started to set.

I stood before the man not a few beats later. I could sense his concern with the way his voice wavered.

"What are you doing here?"

"Can we play?" I asked, looking at him straight in the eyes. A small, twisted smile found its way on my lips.

"Play?" He asked, clearly confused. I point slightly right on his chest, to the source of the calls.

"Yes," I speak, my fingers starting to claw at his skin, trying to tear it open to free my prisoner. "We want to play,"

"You don't want to do that." He has spoken, he is calm. And that bothers me. It is the same, this calculating coldness, the air of disinterest, as if he was detached from the rest of the world, somehow held above it, as if the rules that the rest of the world had to follow were not subjected upon him.

"Play with me. I'm so lonely.." I ask again, my hand suspended over his heart. I left the fierceness, the wildness, the inhuman animalistic quality creep into my eyes and voice, showing him that I know what I'm doing.

I slowly crouch before him with an air of mock respect. I am toying with him, I will get him to react how I want. I WILL get his attention, I will! No one can ignore their heart forever.

I look up at him. I examine his face, his cold and emotionless face, like a stone. It is a face that has haunted my dreams, night after night, until they blend together as one. A face that was surrounded by blood, by pain, by fear, a face covering a hopeless void waiting to suck you in like a vacuum. A face that speaks with a voice so uncaring, so cold, so emotionless and flat, that it melts away at your skin like acid.

A soft whisper escapes my lips, my body freezes. My heart skips a beat. Then another. Time holds still. Then my heart bursts forth in a frenzy, pounding, screaming, beating with every fiber of strength it posses. The scars left upon it light up as if drenched in alcohol then set ablaze, reminding me of the first one. Every inch of my body, my mind, my soul, is in agony. Every second that goes by multiplies my agony.

My face remains the same. "Please..." I let a small note slip into my voice. I will let him decide if it is pain or panic, fear or anxiety, hate or impatience, uncertainty and doubt or the hint of a storm of anger so violent it could destroy the known universe. It always works...

Except now. His face, so unchanging, like the rock that refuses to give in to the elements that threaten to erode it. But I must have it, I must have his heart!

In a flash, I jump on him. I take his rifle, I throw it far behind me. He won't find it. Ever. My nails, hardened and sharpened, easily slit through his shirt, exposing his bare chest. I feel his heart throbbing under my fingers.

He is glaring at me now, he is angry. "You, filthiest of the swine which inhabits this planet, dare to touch me, to lay upon me your hands, intend to cause me harm!"

He pulls out a knife that I did not see before. I frantically drill through his skin, time is running out.

_'Hurry, hurry!_' the wind is whispering.

_'Hurry, hurry!_' the thunder grumbles to the world below.

_'Hurry, hurry!_' the lightning cackles to the clouds.

**_'HURRY!'_** My own mind screams at me.

I scratch at his chest, ripping through the skin, slicing veins in half, digging through the sensitive tissue of flesh and muscle.

Dig deeper, faster! is the tune the wind plays through the trees.

He is stabbing at me now, my legs, my back, my ribs, We are both bleeding into a single ocean of crimson, spreading through the floor, two enemies locked in a bitter fight to the death. Yet neither gives in, neither shows a sign of weakening. I see his lungs now, yet he has hacked through my liver. Chunks of flesh float through the scarlet tide like dead fish in the Red Sea. Skin and bone litter the ground like the bleached remains of a ghost ship, lying deep in the heart of the ocean. I feel my ribs crack. I see my skin- it's white, so white- why is everything still white?

White and red, snow and blood, white and black, skin and sky, black and grey, clouds and trees, everything still looks so meaningless! He severs my femoral artery, my hands are shaking. His lips are moving with unspoken and unheard curses, his eyes with a violent anger bore into my face, stare right through my skin, into my mind, my shattered mind, going to pieces. Red and black, exploding before my eyes.

I have to get there.. I'm almost there now, just another inch. My nails are ragged from my frenzied hacking, his chest is a bloodied, mangled hole, a gaping mouth of red that threatens to swallow me whole. There it is, I see it, his heart, beating weakly in the cavernous space I have ripped into him, drowning in a see of the blood that it so fondly played with but mere minutes earlier, frantically pumping, trying to keep the blood going, but the blood turns on it, drowning out it's cries.

"No..no...Don't..die..I...haven't played with you yet...please..." My voice is hoarse and shaking, my breathing ragged. My vision narrows until I see only him, I see red and black, black and white, white and grey... I've found it!

I grasp his still beating heart in my hands. I pull, and with the last of my strength I rip it free from his chest. I can feel it's pulsing growing weaker, it grows colder. Now it cries only to be helped, to be put back, just like all the rest...

"Why..You..You wanted to play with me.. You said you would love me, why did you lie to me? **Why do you always lie to me**!" My eyes are overflowing with salty tears, With his last breath, his last strength, he stabs his knife through my heart. He dies- he falls- just before I do.

''Why.. Why does no one love me...?"

It's cold, so cold, and dark.  
It's black, still black, and I'm alone. Always alone.  
There's me, there's only me, and no one else is here.  
What's happening? What's going on?  
Why?  
I panic. Who am I? What am I? Where am I?  
Why is it cold, why is it dark, why am I alone, always alone?  
I can't feel anything, except the cold. It is bitter, and chills me to my very core.  
I'm crazy, but the world is worse.  
I'm alone, but I have myself.  
I want to be loved, but no one can ever love me.  
I am a paradox, a conundrum, a puzzle with a missing piece.  
I am not meant to be, I am a mistake.  
I... I can see red. Red and white, but still there is black.  
It is cold, so cold, but now there is gray. Grey and white, white and black, black and red, red and white.  
I'm alone, but I feel someone else there.  
I'm cold, but surrounded by warmth.  
I am suffocating, but surrounded by air, drowning when all I need is a liquid.  
What's happening? I don't know, I'm so unsure, I don't know what's happening.  
Help me, someone, please help!  
I just want to play, I want to be loved...

I am tired, so tired, but I can't sleep. I want to sleep, but there's something I need to do. There's something I need to hear, but it's quiet, so quiet. I'm so confused, and I'm alone. Always alone. I want to die, but I'm already dead. What happened.. What went so wrong, and why. There are trees, the trees are gray. There is snow, the snow is white. There is blood, the blood is red. There is the sky, but the sky is black. There is me, but I am dead.


End file.
